


(Re)Made For You

by supersleepygoat



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Gen, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-14
Updated: 2018-12-14
Packaged: 2019-09-17 23:01:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16983444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supersleepygoat/pseuds/supersleepygoat
Summary: Set in and after episode 9x5. You are hunting partners with the Winchesters. For a case, Dean takes a potion that helps him communicate with animals. However, one of the side effects is that the magic also lets him communicate with another version of himself, a version in which he starts seeing you as more than a friend. Will your dreams come true or will the temporary effects of the magic leave you heart broken?





	(Re)Made For You

“What do you mean you’re not sure what this will do to me?” Dean asks after he already drank the elixir. The panic in his voice borders on anger.

You can’t help but laugh at his misfortune. “Dude, you’re the one who offered to be the guinea pig,” you remind the grumpy Winchester. 

Dean levels you with a stare. Dean knows you know why he volunteered. Dean only offered because he couldn’t let Sam be the test subject. With Gadreel locked away inside him, Dean didn’t want Sam taking on unnecessary risk. You offered to take it too, but Dean drank it down before either you or Sam had a chance ingest the potentially dangerous magic. 

“Relax, Kevin said any and all effects will be temporary,” Sam assures his brother. “But, the spell is written in a specific Inuit dialect and Kevin couldn’t translate all the side effects.”

“What, the kid can read the Word of God but can’t work Google Translate to find out what that purple crap would do to me?” Dean asks as his anger gives way to annoyance. 

“He’s doing the best he can,” you defend Kevin. “What’s the worst that can happen?” you ask with a stifled laugh. You know Dean hates it when you ask that question, but that’s why you do it.

Dean throws a pillow at your head to shut you up. “How many times do I have to tell you not to jinx things?” Dean groans. 

“Last time, I promise,” you make a criss cross over your heart. “But seriously man,” you harden you features and attempt to look as earnest as possible. Dean sits up and waits for you to speak, thinking that you have something important to say. “What’s the worst that can happen?” You ask again as your mischievous smile widens. 

Sam laughs at your thinly concealed attempts to lighten Dean’s mood. It may be an obvious ploy, but it works. Dean can no longer maintain his grumpy façade. He rolls his eyes at you but cracks the lightened smile you were hoping for. 

* * *

The elixir did its job. Dean was able to communicate with the Colonel and with the dog’s help, you were able to solve the case.

You sit at the bar and share a victory around. But, you can’t help but feel a little disappointed. You caught the bad guy but you still feel bad leaving the Colonel behind. Despite finding him a good home, you got attached to him and so did the brothers. 

“I still don’t get why he couldn’t have stayed at the bunker,” you say as you take a sip of your beer. 

“You know why,” Dean interjects with shortness. He is also upset he had to say goodbye to that mutt, but doesn’t want to admit it. 

“Yeah well, it still sucks,” Sam adds. 

“Can I get you another round, fellas?” your pretty waitress asks the three of you. Actually, the question is intended for all of you but she is talking solely to Dean. 

You lower your head to focus your attention on peeling the label off your beer bottle. Dean is upset over leaving the Colonel. And when Dean is upset, he finds himself a pretty and willing waitress to take his mind off things. And tonight, he won’t have to look very far. 

You’re not jealous, or at least that’s what you tell yourself. You know nothing ever could or would happen between you and Dean. His heterosexuality puts a damper on your little crush. You call it a ‘little crush’ when in reality, you can barely breathe under the crushing weight of your unrequited devotion. 

“No thanks, sweetheart. We’re good,” Dean answers without giving the waitress a second look. 

She looks disappointed but doesn’t push it. You and Sam are a little more concerned though. It is unlike Dean to turn away an easy target. 

“You okay, man?” you ask as you pat his shoulder. It is a gesture you have done a thousand times to each other. But for a second, it feels as though this time Dean leans into your touch. 

“Fine, let’s just get back to the motel. We got a long drive ahead of us tomorrow.” Dean finishes off his beer in one go before throwing down enough money to cover all the drinks plus a generous tip.

* * *

 

On the way home, you and the boys pull into a small-town gas station. You wait with Baby while the brothers finish up buying the road snacks. They always take forever, so you start talking to the man filling up his bike next to you. 

“Nice car,” the handsome stranger says as he admires Baby. 

“I would say thanks, but the owner probably wouldn’t appreciate me taking credit for her beauty. She is his handy work. I merely ride shotgun,” you shrug as you lean against her hood. 

“You’re not a car freak, I take it?” He asks with an amused smile. 

“Nah, I am more of a bike-man myself,” you say as your smile widens. 

The man takes a step forward. “You ride?” He questions you as gains more interest in this conversation. 

You go to answer but Dean’s booming voice interrupts you. “Y/N, quit flirting. Get in the car. We’re leaving,” Dean orders you. 

You give him a hardened glare but ultimately obey. You’re not in the mood to fight with him. 

“Sorry, man. Didn’t know he was spoken for,” the biker backs off when Dean stares him down with a threatening scowl. 

To yours and Sam’s surprise, Dean doesn’t correct the man’s misunderstanding. Dean simply gets into Baby and revs the engine before peeling out of the parking lot and away from your new friend. 

From the backseat, you smack the back of Dean’s head. “Why do you have to be such a cock block today! You’re always my wingman but when a guy finally seems interested, you scare him off?” You’re kind of annoyed by his change in behaviour. You always thought that if you found a man who was actually capable loving you back, it would help you to move on from Dean. But now, it seems as though Dean is actively trying to thwart your attempts at happiness. You’re not saying that the random biker would have been your soulmate, but at the very least he’d be a distraction. 

“You can do better. You deserve better,” Dean says through gritted teeth. He then turns up the volume of the music and effectively ends the conversation before it starts.

* * *

 

You get back to the bunker and Dean makes a beeline for the library. 

“What are you looking for?” Sam asks him. 

“Nothing,” Dean replies with shortness. 

You can see he is looking through the books Kevin must have used to give you the Inuit spell. “Are you still feeling any side effects?” you ask him.

“No!” Dean barks as he slams the book shut and carries it back to his room to read it in peace. 

“What the hell is his problem?” You ask once Dean is out of ear shot. 

Sam shrugs. “Why don’t you go ask him?” He suggests as he sits down on one of the library chairs. 

“You do it. I seem to only piss him off right now. Every time I tried talking to him on the ride back here, he turned up the music to drown me out.” You lower your head and prepare yourself for what your about to ask. “You don’t think he knows, do you?”

“Knows what?” Sam looks back up at you. 

You raise a purposeful brow up at him.

“Oh,” Sam says as realization hits him. “No, I think we’re good. Besides, even if he did find out, I think he’d be flattered. He wouldn’t be a dick about it,” Sam assures you. 

Sam knows you harbour feelings for his brother. He knows they probably run deeper than you admit but Sam doesn’t push it. He knows it is a painful subject for you, as it would be for anyone. Unreturned love is always crippling, no matter what.  

You asked him to keep his knowledge a secret. You know both brothers embrace the fact you’re gay, but you still don’t want Dean to know you are secretly in love with him. You don’t want anything to ruin your relationship with him. You need him in your life, even if it is only as a friend. 

“Really, because I can’t think of any other reason why he would be so… dismissive. If he knows, maybe I should give him a little space. I don’t want him to feel awkward or think that I-”

Sam stands from his chair and holds out his palms to slow down your rambling. “Dean is fine. You are fine. I think we all just need a good night’s rest for once. I’ll talk to him in the morning and gage how things are. But, you have nothing to worry about. Dean loves you. It may not be in the way you want but you are family. He’s just had a lot going on lately. This isn’t about you.” Sam’s voice is comforting but a part of him is only guessing. He can’t know for sure what his brother is thinking or how he would react to finding out about your crush. 

You nod at Sam and half-heartedly accept his reassurance. You go your separate ways and each retire to your respective rooms. You are beat and figure any drama can wait until the morning. 

Despite your heavy eyes, you get into bed but cannot fall asleep. After about an hour of your overactive brain keeping you up, you hear your door open. You flick on your bedside lamp and see a sheepish Dean standing in your doorway. 

“Dean, what are you-”

“I don’t know how I long I have. But I need to know, is this what it feels like?” he asks you with painful curiosity.

“Is this what, what feels like?” You ask as you sit up on your bed. 

“To have your pieces fall into place? To finally have a clear view?” Dean questions you for clarity but only confuses you more. 

“You lost me,” you say as Dean walks over to sit on the foot of your bed. He doesn’t take his eyes off you. 

“I don’t know how to explain it. It felt like there was always a barrier. An invisible shield between us. I never even knew it was there. I didn’t know it was there until it was gone.” Dean voice is clear and concise but his words are still a puzzle. His admission becomes a little clearer as he inches up your bed toward you. 

“Dean, what are you doing?” you breathe out as your heart starts to pound against your chest. Your heart stops altogether when Dean leans in over you. 

His forehead pressed against yours. His breath is hot as your lips threaten to graze against each other. “Proving something to myself,” Dean answers as he closes the already short distance between you. His lips are hesitant yet show no sign of retreat. He leans in for a delicate kiss that would be undetectable to the untrained eye. But it is enough. Dean gets a glimpse of your taste and pushes forward for more. 

The kiss he gives you next is less hesitant and more purposeful. As the shock wears off, you melt into him. You kiss him back and drag your tongue along his full bottom lip. He grants you entrance into his mouth and you finally learn his taste. He doesn’t taste like whiskey and coffee like you expected. He is sweet like green apples and honey. The slight hint of peppermint tells you he must have brushed his teeth before coming in here. That thought makes you smile against him. 

Dean’s tongue pushes against yours as his hand moves up to grip the back of your neck and pull you impossibly closer. You let him take control for a moment and bask in the heat of his touch. It is intoxicating to feel wanted by this man. You never thought you would get this chance. You never thought you would be this lucky. 

The kiss is now all purpose and no restraint. You both have succumbed to how right this feels. Dean’s one free hand travels down your body and his fingers hook into the elastic waistband of your boxers. That action breaks you out of the living fantasy and brings you back to reality. 

You remove his hand and get out of the bed. “Dean, what the hell?” you ask when you can’t think of any other intelligible question. This isn’t supposed to happen. He isn’t supposed to want you back. He is Dean Winchester. The man has a new  _ skirt _ on his arm in every town he rolls into. This pipe dream isn’t supposed to come true.

“I think it’s a side effect. I could feel it the moment the potion kicked in. The second it settled into my bones, so did you.” Dean thought he was being romantic but that’s not what you heard. 

You stomach drops as realization hits you. Of course, this isn’t real. Of course, this isn’t what he really wants. You could never be what he wants. This is a part of the curse. Nothing more, nothing less. 

Dean stands from the bed when he sees your wheels turning, he knows they are turning against him. “Wait, I didn’t mean it to sound like I’m only here because of a spell. I want this. I want you.”

Dean tells you everything you’ve always wanted to hear. It almost breaks your resolve. But, it’s not enough to override the dread brewing in your lower stomach. “Dean, Kevin said all the effects are temporary. You’ll get over this. You’ll get over me. You’ll only regret this. Don’t do this to yourself.” In reality, you are begging him not to do this to you. If you give in and let yourself have hope, you may not recover when you lose him after the spell wears off. 

Dean doesn’t take the hint. He cups your jaw into his palm and drags his thumb along your day-old scruff. “Why don’t you let me worry about that. This feels right. I could wake up tomorrow and the spell could be gone. But I could never forget what I feel for you right now. This feels right. You’re my missing piece. I won’t let it slip away again.” Dean forces himself to be honest with you. If this is all gone in the morning, he needs you to know how whole you made him feel. It is the closest thing to peace he has ever felt and even if only for a little while, he wants to embrace that feeling.

Dean kisses you again but the intense hunger has simmered down into a comfortable heat. You take your time. 

“Can we get back in bed?” Dean asks as he pulls away for a brief moment. You go to say something but Dean cuts you off. “No funny business, I swear. I can’t promise I’ll keep my hands to myself. But, we’ll keep the naughty bits tucked away for now. However, if in the morning the spell is broken and I still need you like this, all bets are off. A man can only hold himself back for so long,” Dean winks at you. You curse yourself for how quickly he can break your resolve.

You will regret this. But having him in your arms tonight makes any future heartache seem worth it. “You got yourself a deal, Winchester.” 

The night is long and you have never been more grateful. Sloppy and lazy kisses keep you awake. His hard cock rubs against your thigh and it takes every ounce of willpower not to take it out and taste him for real. But, you hold off. 

Dean Winchester is a tall and broad man but you are even more so. You know he hates being the smallest one between you, him, and Sam. But you love teasing him about. And right now, you love using it against him. When he gets to handsy and tempts you to the edge of giving in, you use your considerable size to roll him over and pin his wandering hands above his head. 

“Just wait until dawn,” Dean warns you. “You’ll be mine then.”

You know he is trying to sound threatening but all you can hear is your own hope building inside you. 

After a few hours of messy kisses and challenges of power, you feel yourself drift to sleep. Dean nips on your ear in a vain attempt to keep you awake. “Don’t quit on me now,” Dean encourages you. 

“Shut up. We’re sleeping now,” you say with hazy finality. You wrap your arms around Dean and pull his back into your chest. 

“I don’t do little spoon,” Dean insincerely protests against your hold over him.

“You do tonight,” you say as you rest your forehead on his shoulder. He settles instantly. 

“Fine, but tomorrow you’re falling asleep in my arms. And I don’t want no lip about it,” Dean says as his fingers intertwined with yours. 

“Whatever you say,” you mumble against his skin as sleep takes you over. 

* * *

 

You wake up alone. For a moment, you think it was all a dream. It wouldn’t be the first time you had such a sweet dream. Except, usually in your dreams you do more than make out like a couple of teenagers. 

It isn’t until you open your eyes, do you realize everything that happened was very real. Your sheets are rumpled and still warm on the other side of your bed. 

You get up and search the bunker for your missing Winchester. You find his brother instead. 

“Dean was in an even worse mood this morning,” Sam warns you. “He ran out of here like a bat out of hell. Said he won’t be back for a couple days. I was looking over the spell we used and…” Sam trails off as he narrows his eyes at you. “Is that a hickey?” he laughs with amusement. 

You slap a hand over your neck, where you know Dean paid extra attention to only hours before.

“You didn’t have that when you went to bed last night. Did you go out-” Sam cuts himself off as he realizes Dean was sporting a similar mark on his neck this morning too. “Wait a minute…” Sam isn’t sure how to phrase his next question. 

Sam did more research on the spell Kevin gave Dean. Not only did it allow Dean to speak with animals. But, it also enabled Dean to communicate with another version of himself. Sam is starting to understand what that alternate version may have been.

“Sam, please don’t…” you’re not sure how he will react. But, you’re hoping he won’t be mad at you.

But Sam simply smiles. “This is actually making a lot of sense. It explains why Dean has been so short with you. He probably didn’t know how to properly handle the sudden  _ changes  _ in his feeling for you. On a good day, Dean has trouble talking about his feelings. Shifting from platonic to romantic affection was probably a little much for him to take all at once.” Sam looks more amused than worried. 

“You said, he ran out of here?”

Sam’s amused smile fades as he nods. 

“That makes sense I guess. Last night, he…” you trail off. You’re starting to realize Dean probably doesn’t want people knowing what happened between the two of you. Sam doesn’t need to know the whole story. He can interpret what happened by the love bites you both sport. He doesn’t need to know Dean promised you anything more. “Well, it doesn’t matter now. If he ran off, that means the spell wore off.”

He ran off because he couldn’t face you. He could have run because he was embarrassed by the things he said and did last night. Or, because he didn’t know how to let you down gently. Either way, he’s gone. Things will go back to the way they were. He will no doubt want to pretend last night didn’t happen. But, you can’t do that. You got a glimpse of having what you’ve always wanted and you can’t go back to locking that love away. 

You clear your throat and push past the painful lump to speak. “I think I should go,” you tell Sam. 

Sam gets up from his seat. “No, come on! Whatever happened he’ll get over it,” Sam tries to assure you but that is the exact thing you feared the most. 

“That’s the problem.  _ He _ will get over it but  _ I _ never will. My feelings for him and my sexuality are not temporary effects of an ancient spell. For me, this is the real deal. It was bad enough before, wanting what I could never have. But this is so much worse, wanting what I can never have again.” You were happy. You let yourself feel happy. You knew it would hurt when he was gone, but you didn’t know it would hurt this bad. 

You have to go, for your own sake. 

* * *

 

“Where the hell have you been?” Sam yells at his brother as Dean rushes down the bunker stairs with an unfamiliar duffle bag in his hand. 

“I had something I had to take care of. No big deal, I’m back now. Where is Y/N?” Dean asks as he storms through the library. 

“He’s gone.”

Dean stops in his tracks. “What do you mean, ‘he’s gone’? Go get him. I need to talk to him.” Dean says as worry laces his voice. 

“I can’t go get him. He left. I don’t know where he is,” Sam tells his brother. 

“Track his phone! I need to tell him something,” Dean commands.

“Dean, maybe you should let him go. Give him some space. I don’t know what happened between the two of you, but I do know that it wasn’t a game to him. Look, I’m only telling you this because you need to understand the damage that was done. You have to understand that need to call off your search. Y/N loves you. So, you running out of here and leaving him after  _ everything _ , it broke his heart. Let him go. Let him heal.”

Dean drops his bag and stares at his brother. Dean stammers an incoherent reply. How did he not know? Dean knew after what happened that night that you were at least interested in him. But, he didn’t know your interest ran that deep. Why didn’t you never tell him? Then Dean internally kicks himself for being so clueless. Of course, you wouldn’t have told him. You thought he would have rejected you.

“Track his phone,” Dean demands again once he regains his ability to speak. 

* * *

 

You open your motel door after incessant knocking wakes you up. You lower your gun when you see who is on the other side. 

“Dean,” your eyes go wide when his forests look back at you. 

“You going to invite me in?” He asks a little shy now that he is actually in front of you. He psyched himself up the entire drive but seeing you face to face abates his certainty. You could turn him away. You have every right to.

You step aside an motion for him to come in. Dean sets his duffle bag on the table and decides to cut to the chase. “I didn’t think things through.” 

“It’s fine. Dean, I know it was just the spell. You don’t have to-”

“I’m not talking about that night. I’m talking about the next morning. I didn’t think my plan through. I was an idiot who just assumed you have known what I was up to. But a part of me thought it would be a nice surprise… which clearly, I was wrong. I fucked up. I didn’t leave because I couldn’t handle the night we spent together. I left because I couldn’t handle the fact it could all disappear.”

“You lost me again,” you say as you lean angst the kitchen table.

“I left because I went looking for a more permanent solution. I knew the spell would wear off soon. But the thought of losing what I felt for you, the thought of losing the peace I found in your arms scared the shit out of me. So, I sought out Rowena.” Dean unzips his duffle and pulls out an assortment of ingredients for another spell. “She gave me this. It will make that version of me the  _ only _ version of me.”

“You’re joking, right? You can’t take a magic potion to turn yourself gay forever.” You let out a humorless laugh. “It doesn’t work that way. You can’t do that, not for me.”

“Why not? Look, the spell wore off days ago. And, I still want this. I still want what we had. Sam told me you want it too!” You can see the fear behind Dean’s eyes. You can recognize it because it is the same fear of rejection you have seen in your own eyes for years.

“That doesn’t matter. You can’t make this huge change for me. We had one night together. It was a good night but I can’t guarantee this will last. What happens when you realize I am not worth it? What happens when you regret your decision because I can’t make you happy? This is permanent, Dean. I never would and I never could ask you to do this for me.” You walk over to the door and open it for him. You want him to leave. He is offering you the world and it’s too much to take in. 

Dean strides across the room and slams the door shut. He pushes you up against the wall. “You’re not asking me. I am asking you. Let me do this. Not for you. Not for me. For us. I need that feeling back. I need  _ you _ back. Seeing you as a friend isn’t enough for me anymore. I need to feel whole again. And, I can only find that with you,” Dean pleads. “You are worth it. You can make me happy,” Dean states clearly. 

“This isn’t right. You can’t change who you are for me. I know I took advantage of you while you were-”

“I swear to god, if you even finish that thought, I will rip your lungs out. As I remember,  _ I  _ came into  _ your _ room.  _ I _ crawled into  _ your  _ bed.  _ I  _ am the one who made this decision to go find a permanent solution. You didn’t take advantage of shit. If you even think that crap again I will-”

“Rip my lungs out. Yeah, I get the picture. It is very violent imagery,” you retort. 

“Yeah well, I mean it too. But to answer your other objection, I won’t be changing who I am for you. I will be becoming who I was meant to be, for myself and for us. I have had a lot of time to think this over. I am ready. I want this. But if you can look me in the eyes and tell me you honestly don’t want this. Then, I’ll back off. I’ll never mention it again. You can come back to the bunker or you can stay out here on your own. And, we can go on with our lives. But,” Dean steps a little closer, “if there is a part of you that wants to give this a shot. If you want to see what kind of hell we can raise together. If you want to give us a chance at happiness. Then, say yes.” 

You hold Dean’s stare for long moment. You search his eyes for hesitation, regret, or even uncertainty. But, you find no trace of doubt. You only find warmth and conviction. This is not an impulse. He wants this. He wants you. Once you let yourself believe that, you feel yourself basking in the idea of hope. 

“Yes,” you smile as the word escape you.

Dean’s breath of relief breathes new life into your future together. 

  
  



End file.
